I went and did it. Put on two wool sweaters, a sweatshirt, two pairs of gloves, a hat and a scarf, but I really went and out and walked for 35 minutes in a snow flurry at 6:30 tonight. Then I came home and chatted with some housemates in the kitchen for a little bit. Jacque was eating a bowl of Special K (oh how I miss cereal and milk some days), but Scott was making some sort of PastaRoni with hot dogs, and I didn't miss boxed food as much. Jacque is kind of my eating idol, she eats how I think I should be eating. Lots of produce, no meat, carbs only when necessary but also in a good healthy strong way.

My hummus attempt failed. I think it was too thick and I quickly lost interest when my blender started to fail me. So I put some brown eggs on the stove to boil, ate some celery and a few bites of a low-lactose cheese to see how it treats me. A lot of my cooking attempts seem to be failing me lately and I'm not sure why. I made spiral rice noodles last night and I even cooked them less time than the instructions on the box, but they still came out mushy and not very appealing, which was upsetting. The mussels, celery, garlic and onion that I steamed in the white wine sauce were much more successful. But they didn't mix well into the pasta so I ended up eating most of the mussels and vegetables out of the container today and ditching the leftover pasta instead of taking it to school with me as planned. Another Veggie Delite at Subway. Not great, I know. I teach at a school in a neighborhood without a lot of food options within walking distance, and being the only carless 24 year old I know, it limits it down even more.

I asked my mom for a bike for my MAT graduation. She said they were too dangerous. I'll have to figure out a way around that one and fast.

But the walk felt good. My stomach feels a little irritated from the cheese, but I have some dandelion root to take so maybe that will help ease it along its way. The upside? The heat in my house seems to be broken, so the walk got some blood pumping and I feel warmer and better off than most of my housemates do right now.

There are points in my life that I was very unhealthy. And there were points that I was definitely more healthy. And then there are these serious awkward times when I'm in the conundrum of desperately wanting and needing to be healthy and not being able to realistically achieve who I want to be. Or who I really am.

I know there is a difference. I know that the Maureen inside of me is struggling for a lot of things, better eating habits beyond Subway and pho five days a week. There is someone inside of me who wants to do yoga for an hour every day, eat more vegetables, and seek out Buddha inside of herself and find compassion for everyone around her. I was on my way to getting my yoga certification, but somehow I ended up on the path to teaching high school instead.

But then there is the Mo everyone sees. The student teacher who is constantly one step behind, teaching European history when she's an American Transcendentalist at heart, who just shook off a McDonald's habit the size of a freight train, who stopped being a vegetarian and walking six miles a day because here then-boyfriend preferred steak and driving two blocks. He still lives upstairs and won't even grant me the peace to live my life how I want to be. The Mo that is in love with her best friend, but will never say anything in fear that she'll push him too far away and lose him forever. These are not the pieces of me that I want to shine through, because none of them have to do with who I am inside.

But who needs another blog about men? This blog is about change and personal growth.

I stopped eating dairy and wheat for a month and game out eight pounds lighter on the other side, which was a great start. But I have a goal to lose another ten pounds by the graduation ceremony for my Master's degree. I think it can be done. Graduation is May 17, so that gives me a little over two months to pull this off.

Last night, I made a resolution to stop eating foods out of a box. And I think that will help. I have already kicked a pasta habit, a cheese habit, and for the most part, an HFCS habit, and I feel blessed to have those things out of my system so I can just process everything a little bit better. I am trying to learn how to love more foods, cook, incorporate more whole ingredients into my food, and overall, just be more conscious of what goes into my body.

I want to be able to run. But the combination of shin splints and asthma makes it almost not worth it. I used to run track, mostly sprinting, but I would love to be able to get into distance and endurance running. Maybe a few miles at least. Or at least learn how to ride a bike. I need to do something to get active.

But this is where my reality sets in. It's 32 degrees outside. Tacoma in March. Daylight savings time yesterday. It snowed and hailed and rained ice today. Who wants to go outside in that? But that's just me, making an excuse? Will I get up and get outside and at least go around the block?

Yes. And then I will come back and make hummus and hardboiled eggs.

Yes.