There are points in my life that I was very unhealthy. And there were points that I was definitely more healthy. And then there are these serious awkward times when I'm in the conundrum of desperately wanting and needing to be healthy and not being able to realistically achieve who I want to be. Or who I really am.

I know there is a difference. I know that the Maureen inside of me is struggling for a lot of things, better eating habits beyond Subway and pho five days a week. There is someone inside of me who wants to do yoga for an hour every day, eat more vegetables, and seek out Buddha inside of herself and find compassion for everyone around her. I was on my way to getting my yoga certification, but somehow I ended up on the path to teaching high school instead.

But then there is the Mo everyone sees. The student teacher who is constantly one step behind, teaching European history when she's an American Transcendentalist at heart, who just shook off a McDonald's habit the size of a freight train, who stopped being a vegetarian and walking six miles a day because here then-boyfriend preferred steak and driving two blocks. He still lives upstairs and won't even grant me the peace to live my life how I want to be. The Mo that is in love with her best friend, but will never say anything in fear that she'll push him too far away and lose him forever. These are not the pieces of me that I want to shine through, because none of them have to do with who I am inside.

But who needs another blog about men? This blog is about change and personal growth.

I stopped eating dairy and wheat for a month and game out eight pounds lighter on the other side, which was a great start. But I have a goal to lose another ten pounds by the graduation ceremony for my Master's degree. I think it can be done. Graduation is May 17, so that gives me a little over two months to pull this off.

Last night, I made a resolution to stop eating foods out of a box. And I think that will help. I have already kicked a pasta habit, a cheese habit, and for the most part, an HFCS habit, and I feel blessed to have those things out of my system so I can just process everything a little bit better. I am trying to learn how to love more foods, cook, incorporate more whole ingredients into my food, and overall, just be more conscious of what goes into my body.

I want to be able to run. But the combination of shin splints and asthma makes it almost not worth it. I used to run track, mostly sprinting, but I would love to be able to get into distance and endurance running. Maybe a few miles at least. Or at least learn how to ride a bike. I need to do something to get active.

But this is where my reality sets in. It's 32 degrees outside. Tacoma in March. Daylight savings time yesterday. It snowed and hailed and rained ice today. Who wants to go outside in that? But that's just me, making an excuse? Will I get up and get outside and at least go around the block?

Yes. And then I will come back and make hummus and hardboiled eggs.

Yes.